Today is my 49th birthday. Social distancing doesn’t allow for much fanfare at all. My aunt stopped by and left homemade cinnamon rolls on the porch and then she went back to the curb and sang me happy birthday. We had a FaceTime call with my parents and my brother and his family. Last night I had a zoom call with some friends and played online cards against humanity. It was great to see everyone.
The weird thing is that last night I ran fever. I was sure I had the virus. Then today my temp was completely normal. I think it was a psychosomatic fever. I had gone out to pick up groceries that I had ordered then I had to stop in a store to pick up a few items. The store allowed too many people inside and I felt unsafe. I have been terrified that I am going to get this thing and that it will kill me.
Add that stress on top of the stress of being out of work (I got a rejection notice yesterday during the day). And then add in having to be cooped up in a house with a head strong child that is flexing her independence and a husband that has been sick or injured for the last 3 months. I don’t think I have been handling my stress very well.
So I am going to add some meditation into my day and try to figure out how to get a little more exercise as well.
Sunday, April 5, 2020
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
Coronavirus: Self-isolation Day 19
After downloading all of my emotions and feelings here the other day, I am feeling a little bit better. I also have been disinfecting my house very night with a bleach and water mixture which makes me feel more in control of things. I am also limiting my eating to the 16:8 hours that I have set out for myself. Which is just shorthand for having an eating window from 11am to 7pm every day. I am limiting sugary stuff but not really limiting carbs as a whole. If I decide I want to start doing that I will. But for now I am happy with how things are.
H’s knees are getting a little better and he is now able to do the mid-week pick up of my father in law’s pills. Which means he goes out once a week and I go out to pick up the groceries once a week. If I can limit my exposure I am hoping I can avoid getting this virus.
My goal for the remainder of the week is to get my assignment done for my HR course that I am currently taking, order a birthday present for my nephew (what is popular with 4 year old boys these days?) and figure our Easter chocolate and gifts.
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Coronavirus: Self-isolation Day 16
It’s been a while since I last posted, but I am having some feelings about this global pandemic that I need to work out. And since I have basically journaled the most difficult times of my life, I return to my safe spot to blather.
So, I am scared. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes last year. I have basically been working on managing it by diet. And for the past few months I haven’t been doing a very good job of that. I am obese and have type 2 diabetes. So I am in the category of people who when they get Coronavirus they get it worse than the average person
This terrifies me. I have been cleaning like a fiend. My kitchen is cleaner than it has ever been. I
disinfect the door knobs, light switches, doors, basically any surface that we touch throughout the day. I have been the person going out to get our groceries, or running to the pharmacy for my father in laws prescriptions.
So any cough or stuffy nose I have sends me into a spiral of anxiety. I am manically taking my temperature every day.
On top of this my husband is just getting over shingles and has hurt his right knee. So he is hobbled and can’t really do our running around.
G is 9 now and in grade 4. She is at home since school has been cancelled indefinitely for this school year. So I am scheduling her time and trying to home school her.
Oh and did I mention I was laid off in November? The bank I worked for let 5% (2350) of its employees go. My package lasts until the end of April. So after that I will no longer be paid.
Just a little stress in my life right now. And it is all underlined with the fear that I will get this virus and die.
Oh but it’s my birthday next Saturday - so something to look forward to I guess.
Hmm I feel like I have just dumped everything out of my mind here. Kind of feels good!
I have to set goals for myself for however long we are in isolation. So I am going to fast 16:8 every day, limit carbs, get some movement in every day and try to stay sane.
How are you doing?
So, I am scared. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes last year. I have basically been working on managing it by diet. And for the past few months I haven’t been doing a very good job of that. I am obese and have type 2 diabetes. So I am in the category of people who when they get Coronavirus they get it worse than the average person
This terrifies me. I have been cleaning like a fiend. My kitchen is cleaner than it has ever been. I
disinfect the door knobs, light switches, doors, basically any surface that we touch throughout the day. I have been the person going out to get our groceries, or running to the pharmacy for my father in laws prescriptions.
So any cough or stuffy nose I have sends me into a spiral of anxiety. I am manically taking my temperature every day.
On top of this my husband is just getting over shingles and has hurt his right knee. So he is hobbled and can’t really do our running around.
G is 9 now and in grade 4. She is at home since school has been cancelled indefinitely for this school year. So I am scheduling her time and trying to home school her.
Oh and did I mention I was laid off in November? The bank I worked for let 5% (2350) of its employees go. My package lasts until the end of April. So after that I will no longer be paid.
Just a little stress in my life right now. And it is all underlined with the fear that I will get this virus and die.
Oh but it’s my birthday next Saturday - so something to look forward to I guess.
Hmm I feel like I have just dumped everything out of my mind here. Kind of feels good!
I have to set goals for myself for however long we are in isolation. So I am going to fast 16:8 every day, limit carbs, get some movement in every day and try to stay sane.
How are you doing?
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
Well That Wasn't Good
So, I was all gungho to get on this diet and lose the weight quickly. Instead my self-control crumbled and I have basically been on a wild sugar binge for the last month and a half. I've put on a little weight.
It just wasn't working for me. I guess I'm a rebel... when I try to restrict myself so tightly, I end up rebelling against myself. I am a complicated person.
So, I have gone on to do a lot of research and have actually turned back to my Dr.'s original advice. I bought The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung. He's actually located here in my home town. He works with patients that have advanced type 2 diabetes; specifically those with kidney damage. He has done a lot of research into the hormonal causes of obesity and has his patients use intermittent fasting (IF) as a way to take the weight off quickly and safely. It is in combination with a low carb diet. But there are no calorie restrictions.
If you're interested, you can find more information about intermittent fasting at the Diet Doctor website: https://www.dietdoctor.com/intermittent-fasting
There are 5 key components to getting healthy:
1. Stress management
2. Cardiovascular health
3. Rest
4. Fasting
5. Diet
1. Stress Management
If you've followed my story at all you know that anxiety has been a challenge for me. Ironically raised cortisol actually aids in weight gain. So being stressed all of the time can make you fat. I was on meds for my anxiety for a while. Now I'm doing much better and am off of them, but I do not do a very good job of managing stress. So, I will be adding meditation into my daily schedule. Each day I will get up 20 minutes earlier and meditate.
Adding exercise into my routine will help with this as well.
2. Cardiovascular Health
Type 2 diabietes affects heart health so it is vital that I get it under control. So, simply by losing weight and managing my blood sugar levels, I will be increasing my heart health. However, I want to do more than that. I need to add more exercise into my routine. So I am stating here for myself and all to see that I will commit to getting 10000 steps at a minimum of 5 days per week building up to 7 days per week.
3. Rest
This is pretty self-explanatory. I will commit to getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night.
4. Fasting
I will complete 3 23 hour fasting periods per week. This means that I finish eating by 7pm on day 1 and on Day 2 I break that fast at 6pm.
5. Diet
I will not be calorie counting. I will be taking an approach that is low carb and low sugar. I need to add in more green vegetables. I will also be taking a multi-vitamin and topping up my vitamin D and vitamin B.
So, that's the plan. I think the meditation and the exercise will be the toughest parts. I have tried meditating in the past and always feel a little weird about it. I find it tough to focus. I commit to giving it my best. The exercise is something very tough for me. I used to love the gym and lifting weights. My favourite cardio machine was the step machine - you know the one where you climb stairs (not the stair master).. I am so far from that person right now. I need to figure out how to work full time, be a mom and find time in my day to exercise.
I need to get this under control if I want any quality of life later on.
It just wasn't working for me. I guess I'm a rebel... when I try to restrict myself so tightly, I end up rebelling against myself. I am a complicated person.
So, I have gone on to do a lot of research and have actually turned back to my Dr.'s original advice. I bought The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung. He's actually located here in my home town. He works with patients that have advanced type 2 diabetes; specifically those with kidney damage. He has done a lot of research into the hormonal causes of obesity and has his patients use intermittent fasting (IF) as a way to take the weight off quickly and safely. It is in combination with a low carb diet. But there are no calorie restrictions.
If you're interested, you can find more information about intermittent fasting at the Diet Doctor website: https://www.dietdoctor.com/intermittent-fasting
There are 5 key components to getting healthy:
1. Stress management
2. Cardiovascular health
3. Rest
4. Fasting
5. Diet
1. Stress Management
If you've followed my story at all you know that anxiety has been a challenge for me. Ironically raised cortisol actually aids in weight gain. So being stressed all of the time can make you fat. I was on meds for my anxiety for a while. Now I'm doing much better and am off of them, but I do not do a very good job of managing stress. So, I will be adding meditation into my daily schedule. Each day I will get up 20 minutes earlier and meditate.
Adding exercise into my routine will help with this as well.
2. Cardiovascular Health
Type 2 diabietes affects heart health so it is vital that I get it under control. So, simply by losing weight and managing my blood sugar levels, I will be increasing my heart health. However, I want to do more than that. I need to add more exercise into my routine. So I am stating here for myself and all to see that I will commit to getting 10000 steps at a minimum of 5 days per week building up to 7 days per week.
3. Rest
This is pretty self-explanatory. I will commit to getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night.
4. Fasting
I will complete 3 23 hour fasting periods per week. This means that I finish eating by 7pm on day 1 and on Day 2 I break that fast at 6pm.
5. Diet
I will not be calorie counting. I will be taking an approach that is low carb and low sugar. I need to add in more green vegetables. I will also be taking a multi-vitamin and topping up my vitamin D and vitamin B.
So, that's the plan. I think the meditation and the exercise will be the toughest parts. I have tried meditating in the past and always feel a little weird about it. I find it tough to focus. I commit to giving it my best. The exercise is something very tough for me. I used to love the gym and lifting weights. My favourite cardio machine was the step machine - you know the one where you climb stairs (not the stair master).. I am so far from that person right now. I need to figure out how to work full time, be a mom and find time in my day to exercise.
I need to get this under control if I want any quality of life later on.
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
T2 Diagnosis and the 8 week blood sugar diet
I am changing the focus of my blog a little...I am still a Mom, and am still mid-40s (ish...creeping towards the big 50). I still have little pieces of my brain and heart that would like to have another child...complete with nightly dreams of babies and pregnancy recently. But, I am just too old at this point.
The focus of my blog is going to be more focussed on my health over the next little while. Last year, I tipped the scales at 286 pounds. And shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I had gestational diabetes which can lead to full blown T2; if I was aware of that I am not sure it would have changed my eating habits.
My Dr told me about some research she had heard that Dr Jason Fung was doing around Intermittent Fasting as well as Dr Michael Mosley. Well, I went right out and found Michael Mosley’s website, inhaled everything he said there and bought his book The 8 Week Blood Sugar Diet. https://thebloodsugardiet.com/
It is a plan to eat approx 800 calories per day,following a low carb moderate fat Mediterranean approach to eating. If you follow it, you will lose 10% of your body weight and it will reverse your T2.
I did it and I lost the 10%. Then I started incorporating sugar and carbs back into my eating...then I went nuts over Christmas and in a few months gained a bunch if the weight back.
So now I am back on track. I started back on the plan last week Wed. at 266.8lbs. I have modified it a bit. I mentioned Dr Jason Fung earlier. I am incorporating intermittent fasting into my approach.
I am eating between 800 and 1200 calories per day. No sugar, no processed carbs. I keep m6 carbs under 40gms per day. I also follow the 16:8 IF...which means I don’t eat for 16 hours and eat all of my calories in an 8 hour window.
As of today, I am down 6.8lbs. I feel full, have more energy, sleep better and have less pain in my joints. Th craziest thing is that my resting heart rate has dropped from 74 beats per minute to 66.
I gave seen from past attempts at losing weight I get so focussed on the hear and now if dieting that I forget to focus on the after part. I will be exploring here how I will maintain my weightloss and renewed health once I hit my goals.
The focus of my blog is going to be more focussed on my health over the next little while. Last year, I tipped the scales at 286 pounds. And shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I had gestational diabetes which can lead to full blown T2; if I was aware of that I am not sure it would have changed my eating habits.
My Dr told me about some research she had heard that Dr Jason Fung was doing around Intermittent Fasting as well as Dr Michael Mosley. Well, I went right out and found Michael Mosley’s website, inhaled everything he said there and bought his book The 8 Week Blood Sugar Diet. https://thebloodsugardiet.com/
It is a plan to eat approx 800 calories per day,following a low carb moderate fat Mediterranean approach to eating. If you follow it, you will lose 10% of your body weight and it will reverse your T2.
I did it and I lost the 10%. Then I started incorporating sugar and carbs back into my eating...then I went nuts over Christmas and in a few months gained a bunch if the weight back.
So now I am back on track. I started back on the plan last week Wed. at 266.8lbs. I have modified it a bit. I mentioned Dr Jason Fung earlier. I am incorporating intermittent fasting into my approach.
As of today, I am down 6.8lbs. I feel full, have more energy, sleep better and have less pain in my joints. Th craziest thing is that my resting heart rate has dropped from 74 beats per minute to 66.
I gave seen from past attempts at losing weight I get so focussed on the hear and now if dieting that I forget to focus on the after part. I will be exploring here how I will maintain my weightloss and renewed health once I hit my goals.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Decision Made
We are not adopting; it is just not the right thing for us. There is so much more I could write about this, but It all ends in the same place.
We have an amazing little family with a lot of blessings. I am going to embrace it and enjoy it and move forward fulfiilled with this decision.
We were recently considering renovating our whole house and were very far down the road, when we took a weekend away to the Blue Mountains in Ontario. We loved our time there. So much, in fact, that we made the decision to take the money we had put aside for the reno and buy our own place there. Within 8 weeks of that decision we had bought and were closing a townhome. It is beautiful!
We are renting it out and it has been solidly booked over the winter. It was a great decision!
So there are good things happening. Little G is 6 now...6 - the years are flying by! The other day she walked past me in such a way that I could see her as a teenager. I have to stop wishing for something that has been lost and savour what we have. You know I was going to say savour what we have been given, ut we weren't "given" anything. We fought our way to the little family that we have.
I have been doing us a disservice by focussing on what is missing instead of all of the great things we have.
We have an amazing little family with a lot of blessings. I am going to embrace it and enjoy it and move forward fulfiilled with this decision.
We were recently considering renovating our whole house and were very far down the road, when we took a weekend away to the Blue Mountains in Ontario. We loved our time there. So much, in fact, that we made the decision to take the money we had put aside for the reno and buy our own place there. Within 8 weeks of that decision we had bought and were closing a townhome. It is beautiful!
We are renting it out and it has been solidly booked over the winter. It was a great decision!
So there are good things happening. Little G is 6 now...6 - the years are flying by! The other day she walked past me in such a way that I could see her as a teenager. I have to stop wishing for something that has been lost and savour what we have. You know I was going to say savour what we have been given, ut we weren't "given" anything. We fought our way to the little family that we have.
I have been doing us a disservice by focussing on what is missing instead of all of the great things we have.
Monday, December 19, 2016
Back and Forth
About a week ago, I was overcome by an aching, longing for a second child. It had been a while since I had felt like there was a gaping hole in my heart. I started crying and then went to find H to discuss how I was feeling. I know, knew in that moment, that I don't have the energy to start from scratch again with a newborn, but thought if we could give G a sibling a couple of years younger than her then it would be good.
So we opened the discussion of adopting an older child from our local child services organization. I am now so torn about moving forward. I don't know if I am built to be an adoptive mother. Not sure if I am equipped to handle the special needs that most of these children have. The unknown scares me - what if the child and G don't mesh, what if this creates more problems than it fixes, what if the child doesn't he bond with us?
Here is the amazing thing. Once we had the conversation, and I had voiced my feelings, and we had agreed to look into adoption, then that hole went away.
Now I am wondering if I just needed to be reassured that adoption is a possibility.
I am coming here, to my little corner of the interwebs, to try to figure out my feelings.
Why do I want to adopt?
- We are financially and emotionally able to care for a second child
- My vision of our family has always had more than one child
- It would be good for G to have a sibling.
- I think a child would benefit from the love and support that we could offer
Why don't I want to adopt?
- Fear of messing up a good thing
- Financially, we are in a good place that includes being able to travel a couple of times a year. If we adopt that will change
- Fear of the unknown.
So much to think about; if anyone is reading and has some advice feel free to let me know!
So we opened the discussion of adopting an older child from our local child services organization. I am now so torn about moving forward. I don't know if I am built to be an adoptive mother. Not sure if I am equipped to handle the special needs that most of these children have. The unknown scares me - what if the child and G don't mesh, what if this creates more problems than it fixes, what if the child doesn't he bond with us?
Here is the amazing thing. Once we had the conversation, and I had voiced my feelings, and we had agreed to look into adoption, then that hole went away.
Now I am wondering if I just needed to be reassured that adoption is a possibility.
I am coming here, to my little corner of the interwebs, to try to figure out my feelings.
Why do I want to adopt?
- We are financially and emotionally able to care for a second child
- My vision of our family has always had more than one child
- It would be good for G to have a sibling.
- I think a child would benefit from the love and support that we could offer
Why don't I want to adopt?
- Fear of messing up a good thing
- Financially, we are in a good place that includes being able to travel a couple of times a year. If we adopt that will change
- Fear of the unknown.
So much to think about; if anyone is reading and has some advice feel free to let me know!
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