Friday, September 7, 2012


I was reading a post on one of the message boards I frequent and the topic of fear was raised. A woman wrote that she hadn't known true fear until her children were born. I thought when I read the title for her post that I could really relate to what she was saying, but in truth, I didn't. Her post was about the fear of her children dying, her dropping them or not being able to save them. To this point, I have not experienced those irrational types of fear. Of course, I worry.I am a worrier by nature. I just believe that I do the best with what I have at the time and trust that my daughter will be okay.

There are a lot of other things that I worry about. For instance, I worry about making the right choices for my daughter. I am scared that if I make the wrong decision that I will set her on a path to unhappiness and mediocrity. Little G is 20 months old and we are already contemplating what school to send her to and whether or not it should be a private school. You see, I don't necessarily think that by going to private school that Little G will do big things with her life, but I (we) want to give her the best chance at achieving her dreams.

H. read an article recently that gave me some peace of mind. It basically said that even by having the discussion and weighing the pros and cons of our decision that our child is already better off. It shows that we are thoughtful in our parenting. It gave me peace of mind, but not any real answers. Sigh.

There is one other thing that worries me... the inevitable comments about my age. I do live in a metropolitan city, and there are a lot of older Moms, but I know I am going to encounter an "is this your granddaughter type comment at some point". I know 41 is not that old, but there are a lot of women who are my age or just a little older that are grandparents already. I have to get a good answer ready for when it happens. I have a feeling no matter what I want to say, when it eventually happens I will be struck dumb and mute and slink off home to cry.

I have more thoughts on the fears that relate more to our daughter's conception story, but I am not ready to share those yet.

1 comment:

  1. Why will you "be struck dumb and mute and slink off home to cry"? That's crazy, there's nothing to be embarrassed about being a late 30's/ early 40's Mom (IVF or not!), certainly nothing worth crying over... If someone gives you the grandmother comment, you (proudly!) give them the "No, I'm her Mom, I knew how to use birth control when I was 19" comment back, and walk away head held high!