You know how you make a decision, think you're ok with that decision then every so often something pops up and you think "wouldn't that be nice". Well, I have been having those thoughts.
And, as it turns out, my husband 'H' has also been having those thoughts. I know what you're thinking - been there done that. You've been on this ride before with me, but this time... this time... it's different.
H and I were chatting last week about whether we ever wish we had more kids. We both said yes. H.is great about things; he has always wanted a big family, but since we can't have kids the old fashioned way he has deferred to me and how I am feeling. I have always been reticent. You know - why rock the boat.
I can give you a list the length of my arm why I think we shouldn't try again - my age, the unknown, it may not work, we are in a good spot financially. etc. etc.
But...there's this tiny voice in the back of my head...what if.
So, I jumped in on Friday. I emailed H at work and told him let's go for it. I looked up prices for flights and emailed the clinic. I am going to go near the end of February. I already have a hotel booked in Prague.
This is crazy. There's a part of me that is very scared of the risks and the unknown, but there's a bigger part of me that can't live with, doesn't want to live with, the regret of not trying.
It may not work, but I have to try.
My mother is not supportive of me trying again. She thinks I'm too old, it's too risky and she doesn't like the odds of multiples. So, I am taking the very mature step of not including her in the decision. We will tell her that I am away on business and if things work out, then we'll tell her when we're ready.
I hope to be posting here a lot more about this. DE FET. Wow.