A Scare, but She's OK.

It felt like my heart stopped for a moment yesterday as I yelled/screamed "oh, My God, H!!!" and watched my daughter tumble down the stairs head over heels. I had just brought a load of laundry upstairs to drop off so I could put it away later and told Little G, to stay downstairs as I would be right back. She yelled "I come too." and I said No. But, by the time I had dropped the laundry off and turned around to head back to the steps, I saw her through the railing almost to the top carrying her favourite blanket. Then her foot got caught in the blanket and down she went.

I was so scared.

H heard me and ran to the bottom of the stairs where he caught her before she could land on the hardwood floor below. Thank gawd the stairs are carpeted. She was shaken up and crying and had a bit of a runny nose, but other than that she was fine. We didn't take her to the hospital as it didn't seem warranted, but I watched her through the night just to be sure. Those kids are resilient.

Today she is fine. Not a mark on her from her fall. She was a little gunshy to go back up the stairs today, but I promised I'd be right behind her and up she went. I am glad she's recovered; not sure when I will. I can still see her tumbling down the stairs when I close my eyes.

In other news, AF is missing. I think I had it last sometime in mid/early December. I am a little worried that menopause is finally starting to set in (remember I'm in my early 40s but have the ovaries of an older woman). It worries me that this could interfere with the FET we have planned for later in the year. Will I have to take Lupron? I know I will have to take BCP to regulate things at least for a month or two. We haven't really done anything yet and already I'm worrying.

Some Pic's

It's been a while since I posted a pic of Little G. Here are a couple of her over the Christmas holidays:

One Last Kick at the Can

DH and I had a potentially life-changing conversation today at lunch. I told DH that I want to use our frozen embryos that we have in Brno. I said that I know I will regret not trying again. And, without having to go any further, DH agreed. Well, he agreed if we look at our finances and we can make it work.

After our conversation, I went back to work with a big smile on my face. I had a feeling that we'll just make it work financially. I know I will do whatever I can to make it work.

Then closer to the end of the day I got an email from H with the subject line "kids names". I think we're really going to do this.

We won't do it until closer to the end of the year because we are both starting new jobs right now. We both need to get established where we are. Also, by waiting it allows Little G to age a little be more which will lower our daycare costs for her.

So, it looks like we'll be briefly back on the IF roller coaster. There won't be a fresh cycle after this. Either this FET works or we're done. I really really hope it works!

The FET rates at the clinic in Brno are not stellar so I'm not sure what our shot is. All I know is that there are 3 frozen embryos of the highest quality waiting for us.

Oh, and we are not going to tell anyone. I don't want the pressure of everyone knowing what's going on and having to let everyone in on the result. Hopefully, we're lucky enough to tell people after the fact with some good news.

Hello 2013

Happy New Year and belated Merry Christmas! Little G loved Christmas and was spoiled rotten by her grandparents and the rest of our family and friends. Santa brought a few things and we gave her a couple of things, but she wants for nothing. We've put a bunch of stuff away for her to play with throughout the year. Life in our household has bumpy. H and I have been battling and things have been a little stressful. I think things are back on track now, I really hope they are. H starts his new job on Monday and I start mine the following Monday so there will be a lot of changes coming our way. I am a little scared to be starting over so completely, but also excited about it. It will be odd after 13 years of being with the same company and knowing everything/everyone to go into a place where I don't even know my hours, where my desk is or the number to call if there's a problem with my computer. I know I will adjust quickly, but wow! it's a lot to take in.

Good things.

We had Little G's birthday party on Saturday. It was a lot of fun. Since she's only 2 we didn't have a bunch of kids there. We had 2 cousins that are around her age and the rest were adults. She loved being the center of attention and having everyone sing to her. Of course, she loved opening her presents, but it was pretty funny that she opened a little people pink train and didn't want to open any other presents once she had it. She opened the next few holding the train with one hand and the present in the other. We have some video that I may end up putting up here eventually. In other news both H and I have new jobs that we start in January. Actually, I think I have a "career" now rather than just a "job". I got a nice pay increase, good benefits and am moving more firmly into my field of choice. The company is listed as one of the top 100 employers in Canada. I feel incredibly lucky to get this opportunity and can't wait to make the most of it! As to the decision to try for a 2nd child, I think our indecision is our decision if that makes sense. By doing nothing about it and not making a plan to see if we could make it work, we are actually making a decision not to have another child. We shall see.

23 Months Old

Little G is now a couple of days past 23 months old. I think once she hits 2 years old I will stop counting in months. She is changing and growing so much. She tries to sing along with me now and can demand which song she would like to hear. "No Mommy - game!" means sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame. She can count to 10 almost consistently now. Sometimes she needs a little help. She is trying to say her alphabet and loves the LMNOP part. She is also throwing the craziest tantrums where she loses her ever-loving mind. I am learning how to deal with them, but when she throws one in the morning when I'm trying to get us both out the door it can be a little bit stressful. I am just gearing up for her birthday party next month. Trying to get us organized and realizing that we are going to be inundated with new toys, which means we will have to go through her existing toys and put them away/donate them. I would like to have a yardsale next year to deal with all of her stuff. Her birthday will be closely followed by Christmas, so we are starting to indoctrinate her into the Christmas festivities. I think she's still a little young to really grasp the concept. But, we're going to bring her to see Santa again this year and maybe we'll get a non-screaming picture. I have over-indulged and bought her two Christmas outfits so she has something to wear on both Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I love this time of year and want to give her the best memories. There is one thought that is adding a little gloom to the season. I am really missing my lost twins. I look at how amazing G is and I can't help but wonder what they would have been like. How crazy would our ilfe have been? Most of all, I realize that I'm not done. I want another baby. I want G to have a brother or sister to play with on Christmas morning. When I peel away all of the layers of why we shouldn't be having another baby, I get down to the basic kernel that I don't feel like I'm done.

Dreams do come true.

Our weekend started off slow, but just kept getting better. Thursday night, Little G seemed to be really hot so on my way to bed I stopped in her room and took her temperature - 38.6 (anything over 38 is a fever). By the end of Friday, her fever was 39.2, a combination of baby tylenol and baby advil brought it down. I hate when she's sick because I feel so helpless. I just cuddled with her and rocked her and hoped she would feel better. If the meds hadn't brought the fever down, I was mentally preparing myself for a trip to the dr.

By Saturday, G was almost back to her old self, she still had a runny nose and cough, but the fever was gone and her energy was back. That morning we bundled up and went out for a walk around our neighbourhood. It's so much fun to see the world through her eyes, particularly when a plane flies overhead. When we got back it was time for her nap.

That afternoon we did something that I had been dreaming of doing with my child ever since I had decided that I wanted to be a mom some day. We baked together. I pushed a chair up to the counter and had G stand on it. I would measure out the ingredients and she'd dump them in the bowl. I helped her break the egg into the bowl and then to stir the ingredients together. I took a few photos of her as we worked (I'll likely post one here after I download them) We baked Banana Bread. It turned out to be a little dry, but i loved every minute of working with her. Even when she fell off the chair and scared the crap out of me. Thankfully she was just scared and not hurt.

I created a bit of a monster when I helped her stand on the chair. Now every time I'm in the kitchen she wants to stand on the chair and watch what I'm doing or help make the food. Very cute!

On Sunday we walked to the park to go on the swings. While there we ran into a little girl from G's daycare class and her Mom. The mother and I introduced ourselves and got talking and she told me that her daughter is adopted and they had tried for 7 years to get pregnant before adopting. I shared my story as well. It's amazing how great it feels to meet someone in real life who just gets it.

The day ended with a trip to my parents for dinner with my grandmother, brother and sister in law. I love watching G interact with my parents. She loves them and lights up when she sees them. Which is something else I had dreamed of for years.

I know these things to moste people would seem mundane, but for me they were dreams being fulfilled and it was amazing!